Portfolio...Interviewing the Computer

This articles was published in October of 1980 in the Rider News. Paul Bubny thought he was interviewing the computer, which was really me in another room. Poked lots of fun at the computer center, although I am not sure how much the computer admins enjoyed it.

(By Paul Bubny)

Very few people of the College campus are aware of the entity who most often affects thier daily lives. I didn't say "person", I said "entity". This being lives (or occupies space at any rate) on the ground floor of the Fine Arts building. In the early morning or evening hours, you can see its elaborate banks of colored lights flashing and whirling. It is the College's computer.

Rider News: How do you like Rider?
Computer: Well despite the bad pay, poor conditions (they keep me locked up in a refrigerated room), it's not bad
RN: What does your average day consist of?
Computer: I start off in the morning helping the registrar mess up the students' schedules. Then I usually spend some time in the afternoon showing the bursar ways to overbill students. You'd think they'd let me relax at night, but nooo!. I spend my nights running backups...
RN: Anything else?
Computer: After the administration puts me to work, I have to put up with students too. They all want to play "Star Trek" or "Tic Tac Toe" or something like that...
RN Do you have any influence around here?
Computer Sure I do! I can change anyone's cumulative average without a trace. I can bill students for accounts they already paid and if I get very upset, I can even mess up payroll. If you don't believe me, I'll change your cum.
RN What would you change if you had the power to do so?
Computer: Well, first I would demand vacation time for us computers. Then I'd ask for time off at night. I have a crush on this PDP-8 computer at Rutgers, but I never get to see her because I am always at work.
RN Are you interested in any computers at Rider?
Computer I am the only computer at Rider. However, they do have some cute word processors over in the library.
RN Do you have any favorite people at Rider?
Computer Do you mean humans? I suppose there are a few, like Joe Booth. He is my favorite, he even gives me vacations sometimes.
RN Do you read the News?
Computer Yes, on occasion. I got very offended by a story that said John Dupree was really inside me. Since then I haven't really paid much attention to it.
(Editor's note: The column to which the computer refers,"The True Story of the Computer, It's really a one man operation", appeared in the Jan 20, 1978 News and was written by former News editor Ray Frager)
Do you know where Ray is now, I'd like to send him a greeting and a token of my appreciation...